This past week involved lots of valentines shopping , finding the perfect card, and decorating . I love Valentine’s Day because it gives me a day to be extra gushy.... because I love some gushy love y’all. Valentines decorations are so fu, the little happys are to die for , and the desserts are the dang cutest . After a week of running around doing things for Valentine’s Day , my mind started thinking of all kind of things love related . I started thinking about how incredible love really is and what it really means . I started thinking about my husband . My mind started turning . In a world where love is portrayed to be so surface, selfish, not pure and definitely not patient , I started thinking of my marriage, and marriage period . Ok ok hold on, I’m not about to get all gushy. Promise . I want to share the thoughts I had for two reasons . One reason is because I am so incredibly blessed to have a husband who has taught me what love really truly means . His selfless acts of love remind me of what love is . Secondly I wanted to share because I’ve never seen marriage attacked like it is today, especially with people my age. People get unhappy and they just walk away not realizing that walking away is not the answer . People think the grass is greener and well, it ain’t .
Marriage is something of great importance. It is a promise, a sacrifice, a test of your patience, your loyalty, and of your faith. No marriage is the same, just like no two people are identical. No marriage is perfect, just as no person is flawless.
Here’s where my mind wondered as I enjoyed the warm day we had Friday. As I looked up in to the trees I started thinking of something kind of funny but totally made sense to me .
Okay, so when you first get married, basically you have before you a huge oak tree (the oak represents marriage). You didn't plant it, you didn't watch it grow, you just have this massive freakin' tree. Just smack in the front of your lawn. Bam! Someone hands you this huge freakin' oak! You look at it all proud, and so excited, and you're over the moon. Then, you realize it is summer (or the newlywed/honeymoon stage of your marriage), and all you have to do is water it. Not so hard right? So you know, every so often you give it the love and attention it needs, and you water it. Easy enough , right ??
But then, fall comes (the next "season" of a marriage). That's when you realize that this huge oak does this crazy thing! Oh crap, it sheds! It just leaves this huge leafs everywhere! So imagine you have O.C.D! You're pissed, but you love this oak, so you suck it up, and you rake them leaves girl. You take and rake ...you rake, and rake, and then you rake some more. Finally all that tree's leaves are raked up. Phew. Or so you think.
So, you stand back, and you look at that huge pile of leaves you cleaned up, and you're all hell yea! That's better. But then, the tree does the unthinkable. It's still fall, so more leafs fall. They keep falling. One after another after another. The leafs here represent the flaws and problems you and your spouse start to have. Sorry, the honeymoon is over! Suddenly, this tree is starting to require a lot more work, and you have no idea what you are doing, so you are just going with it. This is hard stage.
Winter rolls around, and it has no mercy. Now, you've got this huge dead tree, and it's not pretty at all. It's so ugly, you don't even want to look at it. Now you have two choices, give it a trim, and hope that it helps to restore the luster. . . eventually, or just say "well, it's dead," and give up on the tree. You act like it’s even not there hair the time . Sometimes you might even decide to buy something that will be prettier to look at . You Just abandoning the tree even though it’s still there . Winter, in this case, represents the unresolved problems that seem to make or break a marriage. The potential for a divorce, or the potential to become humble and selfless, and make it work. Divorce is SO easy to think about when you’re selfish. SO easy . I was married so young the first time . I married someone because they were my first love , and because I didn’t think anything mattered than the fact that I loved him. I don’t care about virtue. I didn’t care if he loved the lord with all his heart. Love was all that mattered I thought . I learned the painful hard way what happens when God isn’t in the center . What happens when you disregard red flags, God’s gentle nudging, and your own intuition . Because of what I went through so young, I was able to learn the massive importance of what love really means and what it DOESNT mean. From having my sweet Sophia young and raising her alone in the beginning I was able to learn quickly that love is patient, selfless , and never wavering . She taught me that. From growing alone to marrying a man who has taught me selfless love , I can see now what love really means in a marriage . My marriage has its ups and downs, but this time around I’m able to look at his huge oak tree and understand it better . I’m able to learn what every season means ... and that while winter comes , print does also, in all its glorious radiance . So... back to my analogy .
So the trimmers, they climb that massive ladder, and work their butts off to cut those branches, and restore the luster. They make it to reap the beauty of summer and that beauty of a tree. Tending the tree is way worth it in the long haul. Like a famous proverb teaches "nothing worth having comes easy." A good strong marriage certainly does not come without it's fair share of work. What happens to a tree or even bushes if you don’t trim them? They die at some point . They simply die.
You know, writing for me is a passion. It’s my therapy . It allows my weird brain to do what it wants , and allows me to think how my ADHD brain thinks. I may or may not be on to something but I know this . Trim those branches y’all. Fertilize. Pluck the weeds. Nourish the hell out of your marriage . Don’t let kids take over . Don’t let work, Social time , or anything else come before your marriage . Your kids will thank you. Your marriage will thank you. Your heart will thank you.
Love is worth every second . Marriage is worth evert sacrifice. God in the center is crucial. Crucial. Having humility is crucial. Man I’m so bad at being humble when it comes to my marriage . It’s so easy to blame the other person. It’s so easy to just allow those leaves to pile up. Rake those leaves girlfriend . Rake em, bag em, and send em off!